we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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