carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
