piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
