i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
