i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
