He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
