you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
