I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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