he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
