He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
