Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
