im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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