what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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