I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
