she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
