break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
