Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
