dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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