Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
