Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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