Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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