everyone is single if you try hard enough
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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