his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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