your thong is hanging out like whoa
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I stole a fireplace last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
