took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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