An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
