i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
