but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
