You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
