I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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