According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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