i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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