were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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