Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
