You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
