You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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