Do you still have your period?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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