I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
