i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
