your thong is hanging out like whoa
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's official drugs can't kill me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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