winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
