I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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