god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
