how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
