I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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