I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
