He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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