My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
