apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
