shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
