you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just googled if crying burns calories
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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