blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
