I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
