I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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