the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
