My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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