ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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