Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
