I am midnight drunk by noon
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
