The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
