I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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