i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
