the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
