Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
