we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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