Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
