Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
