Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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