He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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