I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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