Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he puts the penis in happiness.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
