And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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