Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
