i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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