I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someone shattered a urinal.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
