Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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