The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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