Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize