i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Randomize
