So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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