I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
