There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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