I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
