i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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