Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
