Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
