____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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