my being single is dangerous.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
