i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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