So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
