Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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