I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
